Thoughts on Children's Music

So I got this fab swing for Tova on Craigslist. Not only does it swing so hard it can throw her 12 feet across the room (get your pillows and trajectory calculator ready!) but it has lights and music. So I get her in and switch it all on one rainy afternoon. The lights should have been what got her attention, but no, it was the music that got us both down in the dumps.

It wasn't so much sad as it was inapropriately epic for a child's toy. We're talking progressive rock meets Yani type epic.

And then there's her jungle mat. It's all a big rip of Dora the Explorer - there's even a monkey with boots - not red ones - but big Uggy looking ones 5 sizes too big for a monkey. When you play the music on this mat you're thrust into a foreign nightmare where hip congos and maracas furiously shake out french classics. 5 seconds in you want to suffocate yourself with a Beret full of refried beans - it's awful!

So it comes down to two questions for me:
1. Who reviews/approves this crap? Honestly? Is there no quality control between the drawing board and the distributor?
2. What kind of strange horrible people create this music for a living? I'm reminded of that great SNL sketch that captures 5 minutes in the creation of a meditation cd. I imagine it would be a guy alone in his home studio who's balding on top but letting it all grow out down the back with a willowy white silk shirt on just jamming out passionately to his newest twist on The Itsy Bitsy Spider. What I wouldn't give to NOT be a fly on his wall (and I'm sure he has many).


I'm going to leave you all with a Good Buy. Best mobile ever with best songs ever - and I don't mean creepy good, I mean you can have it on loop all day and you it won't leave you trying to cut your ears off with a dull knife:

Tiny Love Soothe N' Groove Mobile from Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Tiny-Love-Soothe-Groove-Mobile/dp/B005VDX2RO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1351897203&sr=8-1&keywords=tiny+love+soothe+n+groove+mobile