Barmy Adverts 2: Fun with Baby

We all have a little bit of crazy in us. Most of us let it out in little bits via bizarro Facebook postings and under-the-breath comments at staff meetings (or slightly off-kilter blogs).

And then there are helicopter parents. Or "Helli-folk" as I dub them. They are often the most normal people you know - great fun to be around until BAM the kids arrive and you're stuck taking small unnoticeable steps away from them, your baby clutched tightly to your chest, praying their bat-shit crazy worries and fears don't entrap you like a spiderweb. This is the kind of crazy that has a built-in marketing base.

If you have one of these friends then here is a list of Must Have items to fill up christmahanukwanzicathiest stockings for years to come. Many of these items came from a catalog I received in the post (without asking for it, mind you) from a company called One Step Ahead. Others came from a pamphlet I got from Babys"R"Us and various magazines from the doctor's office.

No-Shock Head Protection Shield. Even baby crash helmets seem fashionable when they come from Italy. But does it come in leather?

The best part is that they can wear it up until they are 2 years old. Sorry moms and dads - you'll have to shell out for a football helmet after that. But don't worry, I'm sure you can find adjustable helmets that will fit well into adulthood when they're still living in your basement.

ThumbGuard and FingerGuard. For $75 you can give your kid the next best thing to a neck brace. I feel like I've seen this on an episode of "24" used on terrorists.

I can think of a 75 cent solution to thumb sucking and it's called Peroxide.

Bounce-A-Round. This thing could be pretty cool - it's like a bouncy castle. But part of the fun of trampolines is the knowledge that, at any moment, you could break something. Most likely it will be your nose, which in my family translates into getting the nose job you always wanted. But watch out heli-folk - if you put both kids in there they might crash into one another and that means 2 emergency room bills. Oh my gosh, wait, they could get hurt on this if they jump together... better buy two.

Nuroo Pocket. Ever wish you could be a Kangaroo?

And I think this product is sexist. I showed it to my husband and his first response was, "you need hips and fashion sense for that and I have neither." :(

Bosombuddy. I remember when my boobs smooshed together after I had the baby. My husband thought it was awesome. Why would I want to mess with that?

Uddercover. This lady has a sensual look - you should not have this look while breast feeding. It gives other babies the wrong idea.

I'm lucky, I live in Oregon where mothers (and fathers too - I don't ask, it's Oregon) breastfeed in public as freely as eating a sandwhich (a gluten-free vegan locally grown sandwhich). These things aren't necessary around here. But on occassion I'll have that rare out-of-towner who's flown in for beerfest staring at me in wide-eyed wonder and I have to cover up as much for his sake as my own. In those cases I have a $3 scarf that can tuck into my bra strap. But you may have to graduate to a shawl when baby reaches two years - I know its says Organic, but how can you be sure?

BellyWashers. It just sounds weird.

Flatten Me. "Get your child reading early with a gift about them." It's important to start narcissism young, but that's not what bugs me about this product - it's that I didn't think of it first. I remember when I was a kid my mom took a children's birthday album and re-recorded all the bits from "kid" to my brother's name. When you listened to the final product the singer would say, "Hey... {Steve}... it's your birthday!" but at my bro's name it would pause for, like, 2 full seconds and my mom would rush his name into the recording, and then 2 more seconds before the song started again. It was Classic! This book is like an awkward photo version of that well-meaning attempt by my mom to make something special for her son. Only this is not special (they've sold thousands) and it still looks crappy. And the story is just awful!

Do yourself a favor and make a photobook online. And, as a former librarian I can honestly say every child is born with the desire to read. The key is to read the book TO them, not just leave it lying there in the crib. And chewing on the book IS in fact reading... they are digesting the story arc.

Baby Bjorn. It's not just a great Danish rock group, it's a carrier too! I didn't doctor this photo. I just wanted to throw it up here to show how important it is to get a second opinion before sending to the press.

The daughter of Satan is here and she prefers to face forward.

 

 

 

Another picture I had to add. I can just imagine this girl when she grows up and moves into a hip studio apartment in Williamsburg and goes to a very fashionable party and someone asks, "have you modeled?" and she says, "why yes, I was a child model actually..."

 



Barmy Adverts: The Joy of Pregnancy

I've got a lot of junk I don't need. Like most new parents I brought home loads of parenting magazines from the doctor's office after each visit and poured through them all, making lists of indispensable products I absolutely had to have. Now I'm gearing up for a garage sale and I'll be lucky to get 1/5 of what I paid for all that crap.

Here you'll find some products even I wasn't dumb enough to fall for. I seriously have no idea who would buy this stuff, well, maybe I've got an opinion or two...

Gownies by Baby Be Mine: This is a nice idea. A flashy maternity gown that makes you feel a little more put together when you look your worst, and a matching nightgown for you and baby to take pictures in after your ordeal. I'm sorry to be so frank but your expensive designer maternity gown will most likely have to be burnt after what you're about to put it through, and the thought of changing into a cute outfit will leave you wanting to castrate its designer as much as your partner. 

 

A note to parents: you have to take your baby out of the hospital blanky swaddle eventually - apparently you can't keep them wrapped up until you leave like you thought you could.

 

 

Bumper Belly: Face facts right now - someone is going to elbow your stomach in a crowded area. It sucks and it will scare the bejeezus out of you but it's going to happen. Mine happened when I had the bright idea of going to the downtown market in Portland at 8 months because, "damnit, I need to walk! And I need some new f'ing scenery! And perogies!" Some new-age douchebag with long 'gentle' hair was running past me to get to the homemade soap stand and elbowed me just above the navel. Mama bear came out and I lunged for him and groooowled. Actually growled! My husband had to hold me back from grabbing a chunk of his hair and yanking it down to my belly and forcing him to apologize to my unborn child. He was dumbfounded when my open hand just missed him. "Sorry" he muttered with terror-stricken eyes and kept running. We ran to find a seat where we could count kicks for a half hour until I was sure we didn't need to go to the emergency room.

A product like Bumper Belly makes money off of every parent's worst nightmare. Only in this case the culprit is not my douchebag James Taylor look-alike, but your first child. Yes, that's right, according to this article there's a very good chance your firstborn will try to kill (or permanently damage) your second born. It's biblical, man. And Bumber Belly warned you!

 

Thyme Maternity: This isn't so much a bad product as it is a bad advert. I don't know about other mom's but I'm pretty sure most did not feel 'so happy they could dance' at 8 or 9 months. I danced at 9 months once. It was 2 days before Tova was born, July 4th, and I went to the town parade and waited. Waited until the marching band came over the hill and I marched right along side them, twirling my imaginary baton, praying it would make the baby come out. The overweight kid with the bass drum was my buddy for a good half mile. I think it worked. But I most definately was Not smiling and laughing while this was going on. Maybe a kind of twitchy smile, but certainly no laughter.

 

Sonostream Live by United Imaging Partners: This goes into the category of "those with money to burn." I'd group it with those adverts that say they can predict your baby's gender at 10 weeks instead of waiting your turn, like the rest of us, until 18 weeks. Sure the image is going to have a resemblance of your actual child - all babies look the same until they're about a month old - your choice of Winston Churchill or Alfred Hitchcock.

 

There is no Sonostream center in Oregon or Washington, but you Could travel to... oh wow, Texas is the nearest one. Well, I really really can't wait one more month to see what she's gonna look like in person. And someone, it doesn't say who, gave it 4 stars. "You'll fall in love with this deeply moving, and emotional thrill ride!"

 

Sold!

 

bellybuds by Candy Sprout and Lullabelly: You could stick earbuds to your stomach and belt out Mozart. Maybe it will make her smarter.

 

Or you could do what I do and blast 80's goth rock in your car at the back end of the parking lot so no one can see you eating a whole pound of yogurt munch by yourself. Sure it's because you feel ashamed, but you can tell everyone it's because you wanted to prepare her for Mensa.

 

 

Bottome Line: save your dough for the important stuff like pregnancy approved sushi and name brand heartburn medication.

 





Dang, I stepped in Hamentashen!

Happy Purim all! Initially I got some flack about using a sugar cookie recipe to bake cookies this year. To those people I say, "last year I was sans newborn, this year I'm lucky to get as much time to bake as I do to use the powder room!"

The reception once tasted, however, was sugary joy :)

Sugar Cookie Base
1.5 cups butter, soft
2 cups white sugar
4 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon pineapple juice
5 cups flour
2 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt

Cream butter and sugar together in large bowl. Beat eggs, vanilla and juice in small bowl, then add and beat into butter mix. Stir in remaining ingredients. Cover and chill at least 1 hour.
Roll out dough and use large round cookie cutters. Roll into 3 sides and pinch edges to make triangle. Add filling and place on parchment lined tray.
Cook 8-10 min at 400 degrees. Makes 50.

Filling
3 oz cream cheese, full fat
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/2 cup plus 1/4 cup

Blend ingredients together in food processor. Makes enough for 2 tsp in 50 cookies.

I'm Concerned About Rock (not the wrestler)

I listen to the radio a lot these days. It helps to block out the incessant pitter-patter of rain during the long months of winter. And I'll admit I'm one of those NPR snobs who gets many of her genius opinions from various guys named Ira.

Like most people I find myself switching over to music when the pledge drive starts. Honestly, I'd rather be in the dark about what's going on in the world than listen to newscasters who are hired solely for their monotone voices blather on about how interesting they are for a whole week. They always promise to end the drive early if I pay up - kind of like extorsion if you think about it - so I send in my $50 (don't judge me, I'm unemployed) and they lie! It doesn't end!

So I've been listening to the local rock station. Portland is a hip city, I like to think they play hip music for hip people like myself. But I'm getting a funny feeling that I shouldn't get when I listen to music. I get creeped out. Like there's a shirtless old guy rubbing his thighs while he watches you play soccer kind of creeped out. Like Gary Glitter is winking at me kind of creeped out. Why? I'm glad you asked.

There's a trend going on right now that I don't like and it involves grown men and women being cute. I blame that awful woman Zoey Descha-whatever (you aren't funny! I don't care how good your ratings are, you are terrible!)

A song begins and I think, "hey, alright, this has potential, I'm digging this, I can't wait to hear more!" and then the singer starts up and I say, "whoa! hold on! you're in your 30's right? so why are you singing like that kid everyone remembers in middle school who got the choir solo for Lion King because he had more freckles than anyone else was so gosh darn adorable... regardless of talent...?" I swear it sounds like the singer is looking over at his guitarist and gives him a knowing smile that says, "yeah, we're having fun up here, and that's just how we roll."

A few cases in point:

Silversun Pickups, "The Pit"

This guy is just the worst. His voice is so affected. I want to slap him and say, "sing normal! you have a great backup band who are worked their asses off, so stop doing that thing with your voice that ruins it."


Of Monsters and Men, "Mountain Sound"

This video was taped in Williamsburg so I don't need to say too much. I blame Zoey Deschitnell for making chicks think they can get away with this cute crap and then demand to be taken seriously. Once again, great musicians getting thwarted by a duo of lame-asses singing all cuddly to one another. Have you listened to the lyrics? I'm fine with things not making sense, but they don't rhyme! I have a problem with that!


Fun, "Some Nights"

Now they're giving out awards to these people - it only encourages them!

If anyone reads this blog please forward it on to aspiring musicians. Tell them I say, no I beg, please be gritty. Stop listening to one word groups like Feist and Fun with singers who always sound like their sharing in some adorable joke with the audience. It's creepy and weird and not "fun" to listen to. So stop. Just stop. Bad musician. Bad!

Good Mom Bad Mom

About a week ago I asked some girlfriends in Tova's playgroup to tell me stories about the wild things they've seen other parents do. "Don't you think there should be some sort of test that people have to pass before becoming parents?" I asked - some bare competency? My example was seeing a woman carrying her 4 year old through the grocery store on a cold winter day. The child had on clothing, a coat and hat... but no shoes or socks. The child did not want to walk on the floor presumably because her feet were cold. Aghast, I rushed home and sent the message out to my gal pals, "oh my gosh! Is that awful or what!"

What I didn't realize until today is that I broke the cardinal rule of parenting: Thou shall not judge other mothers.

Just last night as we sit on the couch staring blankly at the TV I asked my husband, "am I a bad mother?"

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I've let our daughter cry herself to sleep for the last three nights. Do you think she doesn't trust me anymore? Is this emotional child abuse?"

We had a long conversation, weighing the pro's and con's to the Ferber method as recommended by Tova's doctor. She won't fall asleep without sucking my nipple clear off - and after 40 min I'm ready to let her do just that. "The longer she goes without learning to fall asleep on her own the harder it will be," her doctor said. And with that knowledge we armed ourselves with earplugs and went to work.

I know I'm a good mother. I make mistakes and learn from them. But I question myself countless times each day, "did I make the diaper too tight? Can I get 10 more minutes with her in this sling while I wait for a new batch of Krispy Kremes?" With all of the questioning I impose upon myself, how dare I pass judgement on another mother. Maybe her daughter fights her tooth and nail to keep her shoes and socks off. Maybe she threw up on them in the car and mom is running into the store to get her some Tylenol. Who knows - it's not my place to ask.

The only response I got from my group was one mother passing judgement on herself. I just assumed these ladies were as confident in their fantastic skills as they should be - at least from an outsider's perspective. The question I should have asked was, "what's the craziest thing you've ever done and hoped no one would notice?"

I've got a few of those stories. My best one? I let myself and my child sit in t-shirts covered in her puke for 30 minutes what I read a magazine article in the bathroom at the airport. I was so upset by Tova's crying for 2 hours straight through her first flight that as soon as we disembarked I handed her off to her father, ran into the bathroom, and read a magazine to collect myself. Cracked magazine - not even scholarly!

I'm still a good mom, and so is everyone else who's had a lapse in judgement from time to time.

Mommy-Inspired Inventions for ages 0-5 months

Sometimes, during feedings and night time walkabouts, I fantasize about inventions I'd build if I actually had engineering talent...

Have Baby Will Travel - Episode 2: What To Pack For Flight

After 20 hours of flight, here is a list of what I found most useful (and what I wish I had):

1. Two Toys (remember your Boogin Head clip!)

2. One Book - something with lasting power like "Mother Goose for Babies"


3. If your baby eats solids try the Boon Squirt Baby Food Dispensing Spoon. I have a friend with one of these and it's the coolest thing ever.

4. A change of clothing


I'm a HUGE fan of Carter's terry cloth sleep n' play footed pajamas. They are warm and breathable.

Avoid fleece as it will make baby sweat (mine wore this one with stinky consequences)

5. An extra bib and an extra burp cloth

6. Changing pad and one diaper + three wipes for every hour projected

7. Pacifier
Tova doesn't use a pacifier, but when the plane started to descend and she wasn't hungry enough to eat she was clasping onto her binky like they were old friends.

8. Iphone Games
Don't forget to download a few preschool apps to keep her entertained when you can't leave the seat. These especially worked well when people were getting on and off the plane and we were stuck for 15 minutes.

Here's a link to some freebies:
http://www.babygamer.com/online_games/free/toddler/toddler_iphone_ipod_apps.htm

9. Plastic ziplock bag 
You'll need a place to stash those vomit soaked burp cloths

10. Gas drops, Nasal Aspirator, Saline, Tylenol with dispenser, Alcohol wipe, Band-aid 
If something is going to go wrong, count on it going wrong a mile up. Be prepared!

11. Baby Blanket
Not a huge blanket, but the small kind that drape over enough for privacy when you breast feed. I had some guy stare at me unabashedly while feeding my girl and I was very happy to have something bigger than a burp cloth to protect my modesty... perv.

12. An extra shirt for yourself
My wee one threw up aaallll over me during the first flight - like it pooled in the area between my shirt and nursing bra type amount. It wasn't the big stain that embarrassed me but the awful smell of stale milk. The memory makes me gag a little.

And make sure the bag itself is washable so you don't have to burn it after you arrive. A teenager on my third flight threw up on mine - yeah, my luck is good like that.

Have Baby Will Travel - Episode 1: Germs

It's been a while, but I'm back from vacation with the family in Michigan. And while seeing family is awesome, traveling with a baby is not so much.

I'm going to harp on the plane a bit, because family is wonderful and not as likely to man-handle your child as the act of traveling itself.

Germs is the subject of this entry. I've always been careful when traveling. Not OCD careful, but I wash my hands often, never sit on a toilet seat, peel off my clothing and burn it after reaching my destination - you know, the normal things a normal person would do. But your whole perspective of the outside world changes when you travel with a child.

Suddenly the world outside of your home is oozing bacteria. Fellow travelers are plague-infested zombies that want to lick your child's face and then sneeze on you - it's awful. And don't even get me started on how filthy airplane seats are - mine was sticky - STICKY! And then you're sharing air with 100 other passengers - g-d knows what illnesses they carry and I'm sure as heck none of them are covering their mouths when they sneeze or wearing a face mask when they breath!

And then there's my child. MY angelic wonderful can-do-no-wrong baby. She's perfect in every way, and has never had an illness/cold/infection anything in her life. She is pure and healthy. And I've got to subject her to this situation? Forget my worries about ear trouble on ascent and descent - I'm worried she's going to get Ebola because Mommy didn't wash her hands well enough in the terminal bathroom. Or maybe a Burger King employee didn't wash his hands before dishing out my fries and we're both going to get it! Argh! Panic!

So I've devised a few ways to keep your precious commodity a little less germ-prone while out and about.

1. Keep your toys close
You know those Boogin Head things they sell at the pharmacy that you attach to her pacifier and then clip onto her sweater? Use that to attach to a toy so it never touches the filthy disgusting floor.

This is her favorite toy by the way and I'd HIGHLY recommend! (Target)

2. Moist towelette?

They're safe enough to use all day to clean her hands and yours every time you touch something questionable.

3. Cover the changing table in paper towels before you lay down her changing pad
Honestly, the very worst fluids produced by mankind is on those things and I doubt they get cleaned very often.

4. Use the stroller cover
I have the Britax-B-Agile stroller and it comes with a canopy on the car seat and another on the stroller. These completely cover baby in the rain. Use it in the airport to shield your wee one from the disease-ridden paws of strangers. If anyone asks, "hey, who's in there?" you can say, "sorry, she's sleeping" and roll away at break-neck speed.

The rain may drip in but bacteria won't

5. Hang around in empty terminals
While on a layover in Vegas we found a terminal that had no flights coming in or going out - a rarity! We were allowed to go in and hang out for our 3 hrs. Baby got some sleep, daddy got a nice view of Luxor with his angry whopper, and mommy got to do yoga on a freshly shampooed carpet.

6. The nose has it
It may be an old wives tale or it may not - but I followed a friend's advice and put a drop of my breast milk into baby's nostrils once every hour. Not only does it keep her from getting all stuffed up with dry boogies but it's also supposed to disinfect (or maybe not disinfect but at least protect) the nose from storing bacteria and viruses. I'm no scientist and I don't pretend to be smart about these things, but I did it and one week later my baby is cold/virus free. So it doesn't hurt.

7. Don't throw the meds out at the exit
If you're traveling to see family, chances are you'll be seeing more wee ones. If they're school-age (as my nieces are) they may be carrying their own little treats to share with others. Ask them (or their parents if they're too young) to wash their hands before holding baby. And if they already have colds don't be afraid to quarantine your child as best as you can. If they're good family they won't judge, and if they're bad... well... maybe you should make different travel plans next year.

Traveling is WAY worth the hassle!

Cry Baby, Cry Baby!

It's been 4 months and I'm feeling pretty confident about my mothering skills. This is a short list of things I know I do pretty well:

• Breast feeding (baby and I cried together the first month trying to master this one)
• Folding diapers so small I can fit 20 of them in my little wastepaper basket
• Catching drool before it hits the carpet
• Anticipating where spit up will fly (or which area of the shirt it will land on) based on a burp
• All the lyrics to "The Wheels on the Bus"
• How to hold and bounce her with one arm - this is Major!
• How to get all the filth out of those wee little neck folds
• Not panicking when I see vomit seep inbetween floorboards
• The proper position to hold her while racing to the changing table and hearing the dread swish sound
• Holding my breath for 45 seconds while I clean up what caused that swish sound
• How to make my baby happy

This last one is my biggest achievement. Through illness, vaccinations, naked time when the heat is out, and the big scary bathtub I know how to make my girl smile - even laugh - when times are tough. But the one place I can't seem to make her happy is in her crib at bed time.

I've scoured the Internet and have been appauled by batshit crazy articles. One "expert" on babycenter went to so far as to say, "when infants are left to cry themselves to sleep, they are forced to conclude that they are not lovable enough to engage their parents' desires to comfort them." Are you friggin' kidding me? My 4 month old only speaks in gibberish and can't close her fingers into a fist when I'm trying to get her hand through a sleeve, yet she's cognitive enough to deduce that my not picking her up as soon as she cried means I'm witholding my love from her for philosophical reasons? The Internet really is a melting pot of morons (myself and readers excluded, of course). Don't believe me? Read this idiot's entire article at http://www.babycenter.com/404_are-we-damaging-our-baby-by-letting-him-cry-himself-to-sleep_2644.bc and do your best not to try punching her through the screen (it will only hurt your screen and she'll still have her day job).

So here's my routine - and I've been sticking to it!

• 9:30pm - Tova finally settles down and gives a yawn
• 9:32pm - Jammies
• 9:34pm - 2 books (sometimes 3 if she's comfy)
• 9:40pm - turn out the light, turn on the nightlight, and settle in for a final feeding - you know the kind where you gaze into one another's eyes and hold on to each other a little tighter knowing it will be a whole 9 hours before you're in one another's arms again...
• 9:50pm - she's not yet fallen asleep but those eyelids are droopy enough to make a basset hound jealous
• 9:51pm - carry my sweety gently to the bed, give her a final little smooch and lay her down on her ba-

WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yeah, she's the picture of perfection until her back touches the mattress and then she's a banshee trolling the house for souls and eardrums. So what do I do? I lean in and give her a kiss, stroke her cheek and make sure she sees me looking lovingly at her through the retched shrieks. I tell her I love her and back out of the room. I let her cry for 5 whole minutes at which point I walk back in and pick her up. She immediately ceases screaming, holds me tightly and nuzzels into my neck. I give her a kiss and big hug and tell her I love her. I gently set her back down and Waaaahh! It all begins again. I back out of the room and let her cry for 10 minutes at which point it stops as suddenly as it began. I peek in and see her sucking her fist and 1...2...3...4... it's fallen to her side and she's asleep.

She will now sleep all the way until 7:34am (yes, it's that exact).

It all looks great on paper, but when it's happening I feel like the world's worst parent - really neglectful and horrid and deserving of many warts.

I'm hoping it will get better, that she'll cry less as time goes by and realize that I am right outside the door and ready to spring into action. She will learn that she can soothe herself to sleep and gain great confidence (and great sleep) from the experience. But that shrieking, like she's been stuck with a pin, it eats at me when it's happening.

I know I'm doing a good job though. I know because at 7:34am when she coos into the monitor and I walk into her room that before I say good morning and sing her the good morning song she's got her feet in her hands and looks my way with the biggest smile she can possibly give. It makes rainy Portland mornings a lot sunnier.

Coke Balls

My friend Amanda served this up at our most recent mama's group and I Have to share it with the world!

Coke Balls (or "Sweet N' Sour Meatballs"):

Turkey Meat Balls - cooked and crispy

Equal parts Coke and Ketchup - I did 1 cup each

Mix ketchup and coke in saucepan and heat at low for 20 minutes. Add in cooked meatballs and simmer another 10 minutes.

Enjoy with mashed potatoes or veg.

Thoughts on Children's Music

So I got this fab swing for Tova on Craigslist. Not only does it swing so hard it can throw her 12 feet across the room (get your pillows and trajectory calculator ready!) but it has lights and music. So I get her in and switch it all on one rainy afternoon. The lights should have been what got her attention, but no, it was the music that got us both down in the dumps.

It wasn't so much sad as it was inapropriately epic for a child's toy. We're talking progressive rock meets Yani type epic.

And then there's her jungle mat. It's all a big rip of Dora the Explorer - there's even a monkey with boots - not red ones - but big Uggy looking ones 5 sizes too big for a monkey. When you play the music on this mat you're thrust into a foreign nightmare where hip congos and maracas furiously shake out french classics. 5 seconds in you want to suffocate yourself with a Beret full of refried beans - it's awful!

So it comes down to two questions for me:
1. Who reviews/approves this crap? Honestly? Is there no quality control between the drawing board and the distributor?
2. What kind of strange horrible people create this music for a living? I'm reminded of that great SNL sketch that captures 5 minutes in the creation of a meditation cd. I imagine it would be a guy alone in his home studio who's balding on top but letting it all grow out down the back with a willowy white silk shirt on just jamming out passionately to his newest twist on The Itsy Bitsy Spider. What I wouldn't give to NOT be a fly on his wall (and I'm sure he has many).


I'm going to leave you all with a Good Buy. Best mobile ever with best songs ever - and I don't mean creepy good, I mean you can have it on loop all day and you it won't leave you trying to cut your ears off with a dull knife:

Tiny Love Soothe N' Groove Mobile from Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Tiny-Love-Soothe-Groove-Mobile/dp/B005VDX2RO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1351897203&sr=8-1&keywords=tiny+love+soothe+n+groove+mobile

Squash Soup

I recently saw a similar recipe in a parenting magazine and had to share my own version. What I love about it is that it tastes great for both you and baby - much better than the yuck-fest you get from baby food jars. Just remember to share with the wee one and not hog to yourself!

Winter Squash Soup

Butternut squash peeled and cut lengthwise with seeds removed.

One large sweet potato quartered.

Olive oil

One quart chicken stock

1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

1/4 cup Parmesan cheese

How to: brush squash and sweet potato lightly with olive oil. Cook for 35 min at 375 degrees. Remove and chop both into big chunks and add to boiling chicken broth - simmer for 10 min. Place everything in batches into food processor and purée. Pour back into pot and add cream and Parmesan cheese.

Enjoy with your favorite dark rye or pumpernickel bread.

Good Buy Baby: Best Baby Brands

It's amazing how much clothing your wee one can accrue in 4 months. After two checkups she's been labeled by her doc, "the most average baby you could hope for." And that's good in terms of clothing because having a kid in the 50 percentile for both height and weight means clothing sizes mean exactly what they say. Well, this isn't exactly true. So 4 months and 2 'Pass It On' events later I've compiled a list of best baby brands. Keep in mind this is unscientific, unsponsored, and based entirely on my experience alone, so take it as you will. But man what I would've given (or not given according to my wallet) to have this list sooner!

Ariel's Best Baby Brands 2012

General Overview:

CARTERS: true to size, good material, well cut and sewn, durable, no shrinkage after dryer
GAP: true to size, good material, well cut and sewn, no shrinkage after dryer
VITAMINS BABY: at least one size smaller than size shown (I buy 6 month and it fits like a 3/3-6 month), fabric ok, sewn for long thin bodies, shrinks in dryer
BABY GRAND: true to size, soft material that stays soft after continuous washing but flimsy material - more for fancy playdates than warmth, fabric pulls open between snaps (exposure of baby's legs and diaper), no shrinkage
FIRST IMPRESSIONS: true to size, good material, well cut and sewn yet fabric between snaps on legs stretch open to let cold air in, very soft and pretty clothing for all occassions that wash well and don't shrink
GERBER: true to size, bad materal (like itchy and full of fabric balls after on wash bad), cut and sewn badly on legs, zipper sewn badly and causes twisting of material and what I call "leg suffocation" from material pulling tightly around leg
CUTIE PIE: true to size, ok material, cut and sewn ok, fabric pulls open between snaps causing exposure, no shrinkage
SPASILK: true to size, super soft material, well cut and sewn, durable, no shrinkage after dryer
LITTLE ME: at least one size smaller than size shown, ok material, fabric pulls between snaps


Ariel's Best Buys:

CARTERS: best overall quality and bang for your buck. I love love love the Sleep n' Play outfits and have had to fight other customers at Marshalls for these when they come in. Also, rely on Carters for super soft bath towels and wash cloths that last and last.
SPASILK: again, awesome Sleep n' Plays which are all you want to put your baby in for the first month.
GAP: Best outfits for people who have the money to buy Gap anything for their kids. Honestly, I wish I had the dough to spoil my child with Gap gear!
FIRST IMPRESSIONS: best clothing for visiting grandma, hands down

          
Spasilk's oh-so-comfy bodysuits                   Carters Just One You       First Impressions - does that come in mommy size?


Ariel's Worst Buys:

GERBER: Poor baby Tova has had her circulation cut off more than once in these outfits, and don't even get me started on the poor quality of their burp bibs. I mean really, come on, you can't use something just a little softer for my baby's drooly-grin? I used one to attack a lazy booger and I swear it took the outermost layer of her skin clear off. You could get rug burn draping one over your shoulder!

                 
                Beware these onesies!                     Maybe if I buy their socks the material will file her nails for me

Good Buy Baby! Leg Warmers

It's October and it's getting cold, but not so cold that baby has to be in a sack of fake fur (or whatever monstrosity they're trying to pedal at the store... if I wanted my baby to look hairy I'd have mated with an ape!)

The cold brings with it all sorts of trouble. You can't just put baby in a body suit because then she'll be too warm once you enter the store - and have you ever tried getting her out of snowpants in a shopping cart? Or the age-old dillema of going potty. By the time you get the bottoms off to change her diaper she's too hot up top, too cold down below, and has a jumpsuit the size of a pillow holding her back up in the kind of yoga pose you wouldn't dare try at home.

And then there's that October weather that turns from freezing in the morning to hot as heck in the afternoon. This is the weather I'm focusing on today. You bundle up baby and by the time 1pm rolls around you're both sweating and you've got to decide who gets to lose the long sleeves first while the other cries. Some pals at my playgroup (and I mean MY playgroup, babies get to entertain themselves) donned some pretty fab items last month that I finally got around to purchasing this week: Leg warmers for baby. We're talking Flash Dance leg warmers like the kind we rocked in middle school.

                                                       "This cow goes 'Moo-La-La!'"

These things are great! They are one size newborn to toddler and that means baby's entire leg is covered all the way to her onesie. And they're not just for girls, I've seen some rad stripes and sports themed themed leg warmers for wee guys too. And the best part? You don't have to strip them off for a diaper change. That's right, baby's legs stay toasty.

I highly recommend "My Little Legs." They come in a variety of colors or you can get a 4-pack for $20 on amazon. They are thick, durable, warm, and wash well. Tova is currently donning animal prints. These leg warmers can also be used on baby's arms if she's wearing a short sleeve and needs a warm-up.

Instant Halloween Costume - Awesome!

Eat Your Greens! Satay Spinach

While pregnant I was told more than once I needed to get my iron up - and that already included an iron supplement! I love vegetables as much as the next person (can you sense the irony) so I needed to find a tasty way to do so and spinach was the answer.

Spinach is one of those wonder-veggies - it's dark green, delicious, and super versatile. And you can't argue with it's ability to clean you out. So here's a recipe that's quick and good enough to serve at a dinner party.


Satay Spinach

When cooking spinach remember it shrinks waaaay down when it's cooked. So I start out using 3 bunches of spinach, or 4 huge handfuls if you buy fresh in the bag (like I do from Costco).

Heat olive oil to high in a large pot then lower temp to medium

After thoroughly washing spinach add it one handful at a time to the pot. Be careful because the oil may splatter at first from excess water on the spinach leaves. Load it all into the pot then cover and let the leaves cook down for a few minutes. Drain out water.

Add 2 garlic cloves diced and mix into leaves now leaving uncovered.

Add a huge hunking over-the-top spoon full of peanut butter. Allow it to melt and mix in.

Butternut Squash Fries

I love fries any way I can get them. October starts squash season and that means the best fries of all - butternut squash fries! Much like sweet potato fries these take half the time to cook and taste just as sweet (if not sweeter).

What you need:

1/2 a Butternut Squash peeled, seeded and cut lengthwise into 1/4 inch strips

Olive Oil

Salt and Pepper to taste

How to do it:

Put fries into pan and stir in olive oil to coat. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Pop it in the oven at 425 degrees for 30 minutes. I never bother flipping half way because it lets all the heat out.

They won't be crispy unless you separate them nicely (which I never do). I like them soggy, so I just load 'em on and put 'em in.

Enjoy with grill fare or late at night as a snack.

Baby Boom for the Blues

From time to time I get down in the dumps. I love my wee one, but I miss my career too. Will I be able to go back again someday? Am I missing out on more training and trends than my colleagues? Can I ever catch up?

Then I see a movie at 2am that makes me feel so much better - smart women have been making the same tough choices since the beginning of time. And so many of the biases we get from others and ourselves remain the same.

My 2am movie last night was Baby Boom with Diane Keaton. I remember watching it with my mom when I was young and thought it was very funny then. But watching it with my husband last night was therapeutic for me and very informative for him.

"See! That's how people talked to me when I was interviewing - like I was either too fragile or mentally occupied by baby to do a proper job!" And that applied to interviews for everything from administrative positions to cashier gigs at local book stores.

Some things never change. And movies like Baby Boom help me to laugh about it instead of cry.

How To Make Your Towels Smell Better

I avoid my garage at all costs. This is due to a number of reasons:

-it's dark and creepy
-it smells like stray cats
-it's cold
-the cats run in there every time I open the door (answer to reason 2?)
-there's no place to set the baby down... etc.

This means laundry sits for longer than it should. With clothing you can fluff it up in the dryer and it's no problem - but for towels it's another story.

The result? Awful, smelly towels - like the kind you remember from summer camp that sat out wet all night in a dank cabin. Or like the hand towels grandma kept under the sink with all the moth balls. It's the worst. So how do you fix it?

Add three cups of white distilled vinegar to your next wash. Just load in all your towels, put three cups of vinegar into the prewash drawer, and run it on on the "soak and spin" cycle once. Leave it there for an hour afterwards to let it set-in (a great way to buy time and avoid the garage until the husband comes home and checks it for ghosts). Then add your regular detergent and wash as usual.

Done. Awesome.

3 cups: plus soak and spin

Discussion: Removing Milk Stains

Has anyone found a good method for removing those permanently nested milk stains from your cotton shirts?

Good Buy Baby - Breast Pads

So you're home from the hospital bouncing baby in hand and your milk has come in - yay! Once the pain of fullness goes away (it will) it's time to start thinking about how to keep that fabulous miracle food from permanently staining all of your clothing (it will).

I've tried several different types of nursing pads both disposable and reusable. Not every pad is perfect and you'll have to change multiple times a day until your flow becomes stable (2-3 months). I highly recommend Johnson's Nursing Pads during those first 2 months. They hold an insane amount of milk - really. And they are solid, meaning they don't bunch up and twist about in your bra. They maintain their shape which makes them easy to remove during feeding/pumping, and put right back in again for multiple uses. And best of all? No itch! Those Lansinoh pads are always in stock in the drug store, but beware! They will make you itch and have enough packaging on each pad to stuff a mattress.

It's 3 months (for me anyway) and you've got your flow under control. You want to do your bit for the environment by cutting down on disposables (which I still use at night). I recommend Charlie Banana washable pads. I got mine on Amazon with my diaper order (Amazon has great prices on diapers!). They're perfume and dye free for sensitive skin like mine, super soft, and won't make you itch. At night just hand wash them in the sink and let them dry for use the next morning.

You're welcome retailers.